fuck this job.com

ndiezel, you Eeeeeeeeeevilll SPAWN!

My sister has been trying to persuade me to become her nanny for a while. She’s due in the summer and wants me to give her an answer in a couple of months so she can make other plans if I can’t do it. The most recent e mail conversation went something like:
“Sorry our conversation was brief, I’m just worried, you seem lost etc etc., I don’t want to influence your decision. You shouldn’t choose taking care of the baby over your marriage etc etc.” I replied and said “Look, all I want is a simple life. Don’t need a fabulous job, expensive things blah blah blah. Maybe part of my problem is my world view. I feel like I’m coming out of the closet by saying this but: I think I’m a primitivist.” She writes back,. “Primitivist, socialist, minimalist, you’ve had too much time on your hands to think. All I know is that when I used to analyze everything from outside, waiting for things to happen, I was not happy.” She says that her and her husband don’t work hard just in order to live an extravagant lifestyle, “it just makes life easier.” They both have large salaries and wish to keep it this way.

I'd rather be a sparrow than a snail.
Yes I would.
If I could,
I surely would.
I'd rather be a hammer than a nail.
Yes I would.
If I only could,
I surely would.

CHORUS
Away, I'd rather sail away
Like a swan that's here and gone
A man gets tied up to the ground
He gives the world
Its saddest sound,
Its saddest sound.

I'd rather be a forest than a street.
Yes I would.
If I could,
I surely would.

I'd rather feel the earth beneath my feet,
Yes I would.
If I only could,
I surely would.

I just heard this song. I imagine if I was having a shit day a song like this might make me laugh a bit. It is especially funny when you actually hear it, but here are the lyrics anyway:

Little yellow spider laughing at the snow
Well maybe that spider knows something that I don't know
Cuz I'm goddamn cold

Little white monkey staring at the sand
Maybe that monkey figured out something I couldn't understand
Who knows

Well I came upon a dancing crab and I stopped to watch it shake, I said,
'Dance for me just one more time before ya hibernate,
and ya come out a crab cake'

And hey there little snapping turtle, snapping at a shell

Hark! Someday a massive force in the universe is going to scream, "FEE!FI!FO!FUM! I SMELL THE STENCH OF YOUR CORPORATE SCUM!" And the planet will be hit with a huge can of WhoopASS, maybe in the form of an asteroid or something, and you all won't have to worry about your shite jobs any more. So don't give up yet. Hang in there, you son's a bitches (I mean that affectionately, of course).