fuck this job.com

I just about gave up on this website- I figured what the fuck, nothing ever changes- why bother writing about it- but then again- I had the fucking twat bitch start her shit again and I'm thinking it's just a matter of time before I get the shove- seems when I stand up for myself is when I get shoved out of a job and then I spend months looking again- hopeful that I will find the right job and be happy for the next 10 years.. (nah) The bitch started uyp with me a few nights ago, giving all her mates 25 min.

Guess what? The store is going to hire another worthless piece of shit they call a specialist! He starts Monday-though he'll be in training for about a week before he's out on the salesfloor. The two they already have are beginning to sweat- gee, fuck me out of money (and promotion) but you won't be able to screw this guy around. I'm looking forward to seeing three of them now fight for file folders like wolves over a scrap of carrion..

Well, the anger is gone. It took a Friday night and drinking myself to obvilion to get it to go.. Woke up the next morning no memory of the night before-still though the truth of Monday is there. No point of anger-it's useless. I'm going to the doctors in a few weeks time to be evaluated for depression. Perhaps all of this shite has been on my account-maybe I'm just a whinger-maybe I should have learned long ago to suck it up (even though it tastes like reguratated shit) and get on with it.

I thought today on my walk to work-that it could be quite possible that I would walk right past the bigbastardbox and just keep going- past the strip malls, out into the barren corn fields-past the quiet empty houses in the middle of nowhere-just keep walking.. Ah, a dream. My feet work on their own without any knowledge from my brain-just as vacant as the fields. While there is no thought-my body knows it's place-it is exhausted and resigned before it even begins the motions of another worthless day.

Loving it, if it's not a feeling of total exhaustion-that leaves me feeling like I can sleep for a week- it's a feeling of extreme tightness throughout my body-that keeps me shaking and twitching like some bug in it's death throes. GREAT day yesterday-gathering garbage from the aisles, lifting closet organizers and fighting to get them into proper locations, along with boxes of tile. Several trips to the returns desk-pushing carts-replacing price signs..

You know, I'm giving up the whole dream that even at the age I'm at- I can still do something meaningful with my life. That I can make money and be successful and be relatively happy. That I can really take any situation and work it to my advantage. The reality is I will work at shit jobs until Death. Beginning to believe there is no such thing as hell because I've been in it most of my life so anything after this has to be easier and less painful. Not going to off myself, too damn chicken- I'm doing it the Kurt Vonnegut way.

NATURAL GAS. Let's breathe in gas all during our shift and even when more than one customer notices it- and complains- it's written off with an "OK". Let's look off into the distance and watch the 'shimmers' of the fumes. Let's be lied to and told the utilities company was called and it's really 'OK". (Can I use my lighter then indoors and see how many asswipes I can take out with myself?) Let's not have the heaters work so you have to work in gloves/scarf/maybe yer coat because it's so damn cold? But hey, I guess they think with the gas leak if it's warm you might fall asleep- hey- if it's cold and yer breathing gas you'll stay up longer.

Oh what fun it is to open or close- never a midshift. How thoughtful of the head cashier to move my lunch up an hour since she wants to go to lunch with her 'posse'-so even though I've been in since 6 am and I'm starving, I can wait. (She's such a fat cow she could afford to go without some meals once in awhile Great that I was LIED to about the position I was given and how now I run from pillar to post filling in for shitheads that can't manage to get to work at all-nice that the bitch that makes my life hell is still making it hell.. Headcashiers are quitting left and right- cashiers requesting to leave-what's wrong with this picture?

Well she got me out, the fucking bitchcunt-who's so fucking racist against anyone thats not so fucking ghettofabulous..ya bitch, so what? I'm on fucking self checkout-it's boring as shit-but I still get PAID you BITCH. I now don't have to deal with your ass or you lazy cunt friends who don't work either- THANKS- I APPRECIATE IT. Feel sorry for the next poor white girl that doesn't fit yer image to start- you'll screw her too in the end..hopefully she will complain and some day management will learn you are a total fucking racist bitch who should go back to fucking McDonald's where you fucking came from..

A new job, a raise. On the CSD now. It's not the customers so much, what the hell- I don't care what they return. I actually like alot of them! I can always find something good in someone and actually make the experience a half way pleasant one. I even get along with alot of the other employees- no friendships-but still-pleasantries, a smile and a joke. It's my coworkers at the desk I dislike. I'm left to do most of the work while they stand around and talk and discuss tattoos, baby pictures, and who got arrested last week.(Usually Baby's Daddy) Last week I came in and one of my coworkers left immediately because of 'ill health'.

A new job, a raise. On the CSD now. It's not the customers so much, what the hell- I don't care what they return. I actually like alot of them! I can always find something good in someone and actually make the experience a half way pleasant one. I even get along with alot of the other employees- no friendships-but still-pleasantries, a smile and a joke. It's my coworkers at the desk I dislike. I'm left to do most of the work while they stand around and talk and discuss tattoos, baby pictures, and who got arrested last week.(Usually Baby's Daddy) Last week I came in and one of my coworkers left immediately because of 'ill health'.

The scream is pressing against my mouth-
it's pressing against my eyes-
my eyes feel like they are bulging with pressure-
is it a headache or is my brain going to explode?
My hands shake-my heart is racing. Fixed smile becomes manic sneer.
I hear nothing, the scream grows louder wanting to be heard.
I avoid the eyes-I long for personal space, quiet among the din inside and out. If I look, I might snap and snatch your face in quick time and grind your teeth to powder to flavor my water with a bitter aftertaste.
Wordless/Mindless Anger/Hate-Groupdynamic/individual state?

Well, another day.. money thrown at me- grunts, dirty fingers and diamond rings. Cards that don't swipe and my eyes going blind reading shining numbers on clear cards in floresent light. (Thanks, AMEX!) A bit of excitement the other day- had a guy walk in with our company attire on-grab a cart and start wandering down the aisles- no one knew him. Strange though he could answer questions for customers better than the lifers that are there. When he was finally confronted it turned out he didn't work for the company at all-he threw off the 'costume' and walked out the door. Find it bizzare- can't imagine why someone would PRETEND to work in retail hell.

Hello again! Back into the working world. Working for a "Big Box" Not too bad- (surprisingly enough) Job sucks royal but co-workers seem decent.(Meaning if they talk behind yer back it seems to stay just there and it takes awhile before you hear it.) Biggest beef are the 'Summer people'who seem to be still on 'big city' time who want to swipe their cards way before I'm done ringing them up-and then when they do swipe they can't wait a minute for the machine to register so they swipe again 5 or 6 times get upset then throw their credit cards at me to do it by hand. Then there are the idiots who bring hex bolts/washers to the front yet have no idea about the size/item number/price then get angry because it takes a few minutes to search the books/databases to find the buggers!! I won't get into the people who bring soppy plants out of one area to the next or some of the filthiest hands I've ever seen in my life that I need to come in contact with just to get the money.

Hello again! Back into the working world. Working for a "Big Box" Not too bad- (surprisingly enough) Job sucks royal but co-workers seem decent.(Meaning if they talk behind yer back it seems to stay just there and it takes awhile before you hear it.) Biggest beef are the 'Summer people'who seem to be still on 'big city' time who want to swipe their cards way before I'm done ringing them up-and then when they do swipe they can't wait a minute for the machine to register so they swipe again 5 or 6 times get upset then throw their credit cards at me to do it by hand. Then there are the idiots who bring hex bolts/washers to the front yet have no idea about the size/item number/price then get angry because it takes a few minutes to search the books/databases to find the buggers!! I won't get into the people who bring soppy plants out of one area to the next or some of the filthiest hands I've ever seen in my life that I need to come in contact with just to get the money.