fuck this job.com

I am a nice person. Patient, no. But I am forgiving, easy to laugh, and easy to get along with. But these qualities that I know I possess are being challenged daily. I have never worked with someone like this. I guess I have been blessed in the co-worker department until now.

Here is what I want to do: go into work everyday, exchange some pleasantries with the other paralegal, and get on with doing what I do.

Here is what happens: I get a fucking reenactment of her night, and then the conversation she had with her boyfriend on her way into work, I get bombarded with ridiculous questions (such as: ""Why did ____ do _____?" I don't know! Why don't you ask them?!?!?!?), and then she just will try to start random conversations throughout the day when I am trying to meet my deadlines.

Took last Friday and today off. You can see I am just sitting here dreading going in tomorrow. I swear, taking vacation time off at this place just seems to make it even worse when I go back.

At 8:30 on Friday morning, my cell phone started ringing. I hadn't even made it out of the city yet. It was the other paralegal calling, who is so stupid, she should not even be allowed to move her face in a way that would lead someone to believe she was trying to talk. She had a question about the enumerated list of tasks I left for her to handle in my absence. I mean, they were all really complicated tasks, so I should probably try to be more understanding. The one that she found so challenging was to make a copy of a lawsuit and mail it out to someone via certified mail. She couldn't figure out which label to use on the envelope.

I had a close call yesterday, guys. I mean, sweat rolling down my body, hands shaking, kind of close call. It started innocently enough. One day I was exchanging tales of frustration about the new paralegal with one of our Associates. I told him that she is forever asking me questions about shit that just doesn't really matter. Stuff she should just know. He asked for an example, and I couldn't think of one of the top of my head. The next day I had one. I sent him an email entitled "Timely Example."

Yesterday I sent him an email entitled "More Timely Examples," it included:

1. "Can I fold this," (about a letter that needed to be mailed out);

Yep, called in this morning. I had a little bit too much to drink last night and am still pretty hungover. So i guess I am "sick." Sick of work. Sick of all those jackasses. Now I feel so guilty I can't relax.

Everyone must be slap ass worn out from their shit jobs. Me too. But I got lucky today. That bastard partner was out of the office today and everyone had a good day. We were all cracking jokes about what a crazy schizo he is and how he needs jesus and medication too probably. Somebody smiled. I think it was me. Sad that the only good days I have are the days when that bastard partner is absent!

1. Bastard Partner: "Do we not have a deadline set for __________ ?"

Me: Look, shithead. If you don't tell me what needs to happen, I can't put it on the calendar. I am not a mindreader. Stop getting angry at me about shit you never told me to do.

2. Bastard Partner: "It's fine to just hand-write these forms. I need them back right away."

Me: Come 5:15, you saunter over to my desk and tell me, "you need to type these forms, that's why we have a typewriter." ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Also, did anyone happen to catch the part about how he needs them back RIGHT AWAY, and then doesn't even look at them until 5:10 probably. Everything in a law office has to be done RIGHT NOW, though. Guess when you bill $315 an hour you think you can make people do whatever you want whenever you want.

1. Rent
2. Visa
3. Student Loans
4. Car Payment
5. Insurance
6. Utilities
7. Groceries

So these jackass lawyers finally hire a part-time assistant to come in and help me and the other paralegal every afternoon from 1:30 - 5:30. Great, right? Well it would be, if the damn bastards would let us take some time to train her!!!! She has been with us all week and has basically just been doing copy jobs. We haven't been able to spend ANY TIME with her at all to teach her our filing system, or how things are saved on the computer, how to close/open files, who the clients are, etc. NOTHING!!!

I was practically in tears to our Administrator this afternoon because I have just reached my frustration limit.

Got reamed this morning for leaving something in the copier that was meant to go to the court for filing. Partner called me into his office and had it out with me in front of the new associate. "This is a problem. You have got to pay attention to what you are doing, etc." Loads of fun. Called the court to see what they got this morning. Turns out they got all the right paperwork. What I left on the copier should have been placed in the trash. I got yelled at for the appearance of making an error. Do you think the bastard apologized to me once he found out he was mistaken? Hell no!!!!

Have you ever heard of a "full time" job where you are only working 37.5 hours a week? My boss just called me and the other paralegal into the conference room this afternoon to give us a talk about "overtime." This is a fucking lawyer. Last time I checked overtime was over 40 hours a week. Well, at our firm, apparently it's over 37.5 hours. He says, "our hours are 8:30 - 5:00. You need to stick to those hours unless specifically asked to stay late." So basically I just got demoted today, because we make an hourly wage, not a salary. So that makes my paycheck less $200 per month. Thank you Jesus that I have an interview with another firm Thursday on my lunch hour.

1. Who burned that popcorn?
I honestly don't know. There are 6 people in our office, and probably 30 people across the hall. Since I have never seen anyone in this office eat popcorn in the last 10 months that I have been working here, I think its safe to assume that someone in the next suite did it.

2. Why is the copier not working?
Perhaps if you pressed the green power button we could make some progress.

3. Why is the scanner/coffee maker/printer/mail machine not working?
Please see answer to #2.

4. Have we receieved _____ back from ________.
Why don't you get your lazy ass up and check the $$*%*$ file.

What the fuck? There was an extra $500 (separate deposit) in my bank account this morning from my job. My normal deposit showed up for the normal amount, and right beneath it, there was this other entry of $500 and some change. I don't know what to say. They must have been able to tell from my face that I have had enough.

In our weekly meeting this morning, one of the partners started attacking one of the associates for revising a letter to the proper recipient. Why did you readdress the letter to the proper person's attention?!?!?! Why didn't you just use a fax cover sheet and send the old letter to the new person's attention?!?!?!?!

Um, are you fucking kidding me?!?!?! If we did that originally, we would be sitting here getting reamed for sloppy work. Is this a new idea - that you should address the letter to the person who you want to respond? Wait, I have a novel idea. From now on, let's type up all our letters to the wrong people, and then fax them to the right people with a cover sheet explaining the errors and just generally clouding the issue.

The Basics
Company Name: firstPRO Inc.
Job Title: Receptionist (P)
Job Status: Full-time Regular
Type of Company: Employment Services
Job Function: Administrative/General Office/Clerical
Education: High School
Years Experience Desired: 4
Salary: $0 - $30,000/Per Year
Location: Atlanta Buckhead
Date Posted: 2006-09-28

Contact Information
404-365-8367

The Details

Receptionist needed for boutique firm

Our client seeks a receptionist with strong administrative skills to handle front desk responsibilities, support management and assist with professional presentations to C-level clients. Candidates who apply must have reception and administrative experience, job stability and professional image. College degree preferred but not required. Please e-mail resumes to perimeter@firstproinc.com

Let's just say I am having a terrible time at work right now. Basically, I think it is at least the 6th level of hell, bordering on the seventh. I work as a "paralegal" for a small firm comprised of 4 attorneys and one other brand new "paralegal". There are no file clerks, no receptionist, and no legal secretaries. We are it. We are expected to do all of the clerical work on top of meet our billable hour requirements every month.

The new girl has been there for three weeks. She was hired to replace someone that had been there for five years. She has no legal experience at all. I have inherited the senior paralegal duties (which have drastically changed my job duties), not to mention train this new person while still managing to meet my own billable requirements.