fuck this job.com

One job down, one to go.

Tomorrow I join the ranks of the formerly employed but not for long as I have a new, better paying, better benefits, closer to home, FUCKING job. Its a 10 minutes drive rather than 60 and its actually been rumored that raises and vacations are given! WTF? I won't know how to act. Less commute to get my abuse, anyway.

Anyhow, I will be back. I am sure of it. It isn't the end, only a new fucking beginning.

Yet more examples of truth being stranger than fiction..This is ALL true, I swear.

Drivers rigging doors and theiving while no one is looking. (jackass...see the cameras on the bank?).

Messengers shorting ATMs and claiming the bank shorted them (Hey, is that a $20 sticking out of your shoe?).

A driver 'helping' the messenger load atms (One for me, two for the bank, one for me, two for the bank).

Another messenger accidentally loses a large bag on this last day of work,moves out of state, and buys a NICE new house.

and the latest...The messenger was making a delivery and just went in the building when his truck got hit.

I had just pulled up to Coca-Cola's front door and dropped the messenger when this Buick parks directly against my door and blares the horn. I generally ignore these attention seeking morons until they realize the definition of futility but this one isn't so quick or wise.

A sweaty, red faced, screaming asswipe emerges blathering for me to move because I am blocking HIS parking space next to the door. I glance over and see no sign proclaiming any assigned parking ...like Plant Manager, Director, CEO...nothing, just an empty spot. Oh well, he can wait if he wants it. (Understand this parking lot maybe has 20 spaces...it isn't big, there are several other spots open, and thus EVERY space is close to the door.)

People claim they're coming in for a meeting but can't even tell me who they're here to see. 500 people in the building and they get pissy telling me I should know who they want. As if I can look at them and think, "Oh yeah, conceited dumbasses.... 3d floor."
A person this morning actually said she didn't want to tell me her name..that's private information. Whatever.

Another came in for a meeting. Of course, she didn't know with who or where it would be held but was adamant she had a meeting here today. It took me awhile to find she was to come in for a JUNE 20 appointment. Idiot, Here's your sign.

My manager called and told me I had to report for Armored orientation on Tuesday. Orientation? I've been working since March and NOW I have to attend New Employee Orientation? What for??? The box wasn't checked in my file signifying I had attended so I went. 70 miles one way to the corporate office and be there by 8:00 am.

I arrive to find it empty. I sit around and wait, and wait, and wait. Finally, at 9:30 we are called in. My name isn't even on the list to attend and I don't need to complete fingerprint cards, records check forms, insurance paperwork, or tax stuff. Why am I here? I sit through all the BS to find that I did NOT take the nickel tour of the company HQ and was required to. 140 miles of driving and 4 hours of sitting around so that I can tour the building I have been in countless times and couldn't care less. It's the HQ. I don't work there and only go there when I have to a couple times per year. Absolute bullshit.

For a reminder: I have 2 jobs. 1) Office building security and 2) Armored Messenger. This is regarding job #1.

3 days ago: I had just got to work and went to get my routine cup o' joe to jumpstart my morning and, as I am pouring coffee, the maintanance man states how he would like to shoot me and three members of management. This is different!?

He said how I (and the others) are going to die and there isn't anything anyone can do about it because he has worked here for 20 years and knows all the in's and out's of the building. "Nobody will be able to stop me!", he said. He tells me of plans to shoot me with a shotgun and his 'nines' and then work his way through the management upstairs. At the end of his "story" he states, "This is all hypothetically speaking, you know?"

We're stuck with a van for the day. I begged for a truck but to no avail. The vans fit me so tight I have to duck my head to get in, my knees hit the dash, my weapon is always beating on the door frame, and there is this damned fan hanging from ceiling that is intent on leaving a knot on my head. Every time I have to use a van I can't help thinking we will stop and 6 clowns will climb in with me. Our dispatcher is an unthinking moron, no doubt.

Next I find out I've been assigned a guard for the day. He is not the competent, working type but the slothlike, barely awake type that sleeps in the truck and doesn't do much but make us wait for him to get done shopping at nearly every stop. (Really. If he sees something while he is making a stop, he actually shops while on the stop. He once spent 45 minutes in Sam's Club trying to get a membership while the truck sat waiting). He IS the poster child for what is wrong with the company and I will not work with him. My driver and I both demand he be taken off our truck and we won't leave. I warn dispatch that I will leave guard behind if he pulls any shit with me but, by the grace of God, a new messenger doesn't know his route (or the guard) and guard volunteers to help him. We laugh maniacly and leave before dispatch realizes we ditched gaurd.

I had just walked into the McDonald's restoom and very loudly I hear "You wanna boyfriend?"

I've had prostitutes offer "dates" at some of my stops before, but this was a new twist. I waited and after a minute or so a small black man walked out and told me "I wasn't talking to YOU" as he left. (I felt so rejected.) I looked in the open stall and no one else was in there. On the way out I told the the manager she might want to keep an eye on the restroom but her disinterest showed she had heard this before.

At the end of the day my driver and I were talking to another crew and mentioned my "boyfriend". They laughed and told us about a male tranny prostitute in the same area that propositions them all the time. They said he's about 6'6" in heels with voice like Barry White and makes a very ugly woman.

It started like any other day...screwed from the start. One of two vault clerks required to open was stranded on the freeway with a broken transmission so 2 hours later we finally get started. Now I have to really run if I am to get anything done before the stores close.

The door is locked at my first stop so I beat on it until someone sees me. The manager is there and I need this stop done early so I don't have to fight heavy traffic and slow us down later in the day. She finally sees me and they're done.

The next stop complains I'm too early (what a surprise) and wants me to come back later. I explain this isn't possible since I don't come back to this way until tomorrow. I have her sign the 'No Service Log' to prove I was here and they weren't ready.

I know when I am older and looking back on my life I will never remember these days. They will be unconciously blanked out and forgotten. I hate this fucking job. It's sucking the energy right from my soul.

500 miles of whiney store managers and even stupider customers later....

The stores are packed and everybody walks like they are in some drug induced semi-concious fog. I must say "excuse me, pardon me" a thousand times a day and maybe, MAYBE THREE people even turn around to acknowledge my pleas. HELLOOOOO?...I'm trying to get the fuck through here with two hundred pounds of change you obese lummox...Move your lard. Oops..did I get too close with my hand truck and accidentally trip you... I'm soooo sorry dumbass. (Kinda reminded me of the rural game of 'cow tipping', if you know what I mean.)

Saturday started with forgetting to load my "dolly" on the truck. The holiday season has hit the retail giants so now I have twice the load and twice the stops as usual and all without my wheels to haul it around. 500 miles of fun. I am not frail and I am not wasting time to go back. I screwed up.

Our third stop was a new store and not being familiar with the store layout I had to ask an employee for directions to the office. ( No two of these stores EVER have the same layout.) As soon as I enter the store I see a red vest with a name tag and I ask, "Where is the office?". Really, really simple and straightforward question. Here I am (a modest 6'4", 260lbs), in uniform, bag of money, gun, and I always get a "over there, behind sporting goods, or whatever" and pointed in the general direction. This person was just too curious (stupid?) to let me go that easy. She walked over, grabbed my arm, and asked "What's in the bag?" Jesus, Lady! I grabbed her arm, pushed, and she fell on her ass. I retreat to the truck and call back to Base. While I was on the phone, the Store Manager came out and asked me to come back in since she really needed the change I was carrying. She claimed the employee (an Asst. Manager, no less) won't bother us again. Whatever.

After two hours of driving we find the first of several new customers, everything was going well and as we attempt to leave the manager yells "Hey, STOP!" (Loud noises/yelling when I am carrying large amounts of cash engages the instictual fight or flight response) I turn around and she says "You forgot to sign The Book". I go back and show her ...See... here and here...I signed. "But here..you didn't sign for these two." Oh, I'm sorry, that's because you didn't give me those. She is now standing there like a deer in the headlights ... vacant, staring, dumbfounded, lost. Pretty simple stuff Mrs. Store Manager, you gave me these (pointing) which I signed for here (pointing). I did NOT receive these (pointing) which is why I did not sign for them. She replies, "OK, wait a minute and I will look again." She comes out and again says she can't find them. I can't wait anymore. You can look and another courier will pick them up tomorrow, if you find them. 20 minutes on one stop is waay to long.

When are we going to get some new trucks...every one we have is a death trap. ONE mechanic to keep the decrepid fleet rolling every day? This has to be a crime.

We were on our way to our 2d stop at the farthest point we get from base, and we hear a very loud BANG....BANG. I think we just ran over a motorcycle judging from the echo still ringing in my ears. I asked the driver if she saw what we just hit. She says she we didn't hit anything and there is nothing she can see behind us. Well, the truck is running and all the wheels are still on...right? As we approach our exit ramp she says "SHIT!". SHIT??? I'm in the back and can't hear that well but that doesn't sound right. I ask "what's wrong?" but the driver and guard are busy talking and are ignoring me. We take a left turn from the freeway exit ramp VERY FAST and VERY WIDE using all lanes. "SHIT!" as I am plastered to the wall. Back to my seat. As we drive past our stop, I am beginning to wonder just what the hell is going on. Fucking Mario Andretti is at the wheel and won't even make the stops? We finally turn in a parking lot and I notice the driver is really having trouble steering. (she's about 5'2" and not very muscular) She says we have no power steering and the brakes aren't working either. Oh, well, that explains the driving. We call in...broke the truck, send another. No brakes, no steering, and OH, no air conditioning while we are locked in scrap metal box. The radio works, yippee. 2 hours later the machanic shows up.

Managment sadist to HR flunky: "Shit, this asshole has put up with our crap long enough to get paid vacation and medical insurance and it's cutting into my commission. How can I drive him fucking insane so we can replace him with someone cheaper. I know: NO TIME OFF, ever."

According to fucked company policy, I put in my 30 day notice to take my annual 7 days of vacation. After three years I get 7 measely days off, yippee. I have to work weekends and even holidays to include Christmas and New Years but I finally get 7 straight days off.

As contract Security Guards, there are only two of us that are "allowed" to work here...in fact, our "client" has used the security system to lock out even the people that maintain the security system.

It is truly amazing how much more relaxed I am at work this week. I spent the last two nights at the range blowing off 200 rounds a night. It would only be better if I had 8x10 headshots of management to staple up. Two more weeks of practice before qualification and I love every minute. Customers can bitch all they want all day and I smile because I picture them as the target tonight with .40 cal holes in their head and chest.