fuck this job.com

What I've been striving for the last few years in my life is not actually what I thought I wanted, I wanted happyness, no worrys, no fear, lots of friends etc etc. And I thought that a high paying job and lots of possessions like a house and all that kind of stuff would do it. Today I've actually come to the conclusion that I don't need any of that stuff, nothing. I've figured out that over the last two or three years I've been trying to get what I thought would bring me happyness has almost put me into depression and has made me much more UNHAPPY then I was before I wanted all this stuff. What I've been striving for and searching for is not a thing, itss actually a state of mind, and I think I've actually found it, now I just have to work with it and make it my way of living. A state of mind of 'I'm happy no matter what', a state of mind of 'no matter what happens it's ok', a state of mind of 'I'm happy with my job'. once this thought plugged into my head the other day I actually had to re-think my whole intire list of goals in life, no longer will I need the fancy car to be happy, because if I get the fancy car I will be looking forward to the fancy-er car, therefore I will be unhappy still. This has actually happend to me before, I had an old 89 saab, drove perfect, no problems at all, but I wanted a newer car, so I went out and spent $5000 cash on a chevy blazer. Six months down the road the car was worth no more then $2000, then I figure if I go out and spend $7000 on a new car I'll have no problems with it and I'll be happy, here I am 6 months later, with a car that has lots of problems, more problems then my old saab. And my brother (the owner of the saab)has only had to put a muffler and breaks onto the car since I've given it to him. That's life, but why should I let the car get me down? why shouldn't I just learn from my own mistakes and take whatever this situation has to give?

Well, took friday off, told the boss I was sick, no big deal, thought maybe if I had a nice long weekend I'd help me out a little, seems like its made me hate this place even more. I had an awesome weekend, did a bunch of stuff I normally don't do, had a lot of fun, but here it is Monday and I hate this goddamn place more then anything. It's not the customers I'm mad at, It's myself, I keep wondering why I used to love this job, I used to come here and love dealing with people, then after about a half a year I started to get mad at a select few people, then after a while I started to hate more and more, now there's only a select few I actually don't mind talking to and fixing their problems.

Jesus christ, i hate this fucking job, i hate my fucking life, i hate my co-workers and i hate my fucking boss. I want to fucking quit this gay job, all day i sit in this fucking cubicle answering the phone listening to stupid fucking customers, wasting my life for 10$ an hour. I know i have the ability to get a better job but my mind is holding me back, i don't know why i can't just break out of this fucking place and just leave and find a new job and life. Today is worse then others, i can't stand it, the other day i fucking yawned and some dumb whore up in customer service tried to yell at me for it then a day later theres an e-mail from the boss saying how we can't laugh, caugh and all kinds of stupid shit, just cause that dumb bitch in customer service, jesus christ. i want to fucking leave this place, but for some reason i can't seem to get out, i can't seem to just quit and find a new job, this job isn't just wasting my life, its ruining my life and if i don't get out of here soon i'm going to fall into a deep depression. jesus christ, i hate this place so much. i hate everything in my life, especially the way i think, i can't seem to NOT think about it, but i always end up doing the same thing every day.