fuck this job.com

You know, some days I'm really not in the mood to bitch about my job. But then that kumkwat of a boss will say something or do something that will negate my entire mood...

Fuckwad wants me to print out my hours for last week. No problem. Printed them out on his printer and kept going on about my day. About a minute later, Fuckwad gets into a tizzy...

FW: "You have to redo your time sheet."
Me: "Why?"
FW: "You're not supposed to come in before 9:00 unless I tell you to. You have two days here when you came in at 8:45. Don't come in until I tell you to."
*sound of paper shredding in the shredder*

YOU UNAPPRECIATIVE BASTARD! I came in at 8:45 for two days (and God KNOWS I didn't want to) to put in some work just so that you wouldn't be behind when I left two hours early during one of those days. Do you THINK I want to get up and come to this bullshit job early? Hell, I don't even want to be here at the normal time. But I'm just trying to help your dumb ass out so that you're not scrambling and rambling "what's going on with this and that" in my absence.

YOU UNAPPRECIATIVE BASTARD! You have been in business for half a decade and STILL only have 2 employees. In the 10 months I've been here there has been AT LEAST 8 people come in, work for no more than 3 days, then leave either right after an assignment is finished, smack dab in the middle of an assignment, or before the assignment even begins while you think that they're working! You just hired 2 more people, but I hear you leaving messages after messages for one of them, and they haven't called you back in over a week! No doubt they saw that you were a cheap tightwad who didn't give a fuck about anything. I'm the only dumbass who actually stuck around for more than a week and you're bitching over some bullshit time I worked before 9AM? You're bitching because I came in early and got shit done so that you weren't stuck? Fuck! You should be happy that SOMEONE is coming in on a consistant basis!

YOU UNAPPRECIATIVE BASTARD! I'm overqualified for this bullshit job. Just because you gave me a job when I moved here when no other prospects were biting doesn't mean I owe you my left tit for the rest of my life. Stop acting like it.

YOU UNAPPRECIATIVE BASTARD! Who the FUCK made me stay late to compose fucking 1099s on the LAST DAY THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MAILED? You waited until the VERY LAST DAY that those tax forms were supposed to go out, and waited until 50 MINUTES BEFORE I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO HOME to tell me you needed to get the forms out so I had to stay late to do them. Bitch, I have NEVER done 1099s before, how do you know they were even right? And how come you didn't ask your ACCOUNTANT to do that shit for you? So I didn't leave until about 7PM because of your unorganized ass. You couldn't even find names and addresses of people who worked for you for those 1 or 2 or 3 days throughout the year. You had them on post it notes. POST IT NOTES! WHO THE FUCK PUTS EMPLOYEE INFORMATION ON POST IT NOTES?!?!? Even after being there late - pissed and all - I still took the time to come up with a more organized system so that your ass isn't going through the same bullshit next year, and you're bitching over coming in early? Fuckwad.

YOU UNAPPRECIATIVE BASTARD! You're always yelling at me, acting like an unprofessional bitch, telling me bullshit like "just do your job" and "mind your business" when I have some ideas about how to grow your bullshit business. You offer experienced people bullshit pay with no benefits or even a couple of paid holidays and/or sick days, then when they bail on your dumb ass you claim that you don't want to do anything to bring attention to your company because you don't have the manpower. What acne ass would stay in that kind of shitty job unless they had no fucking choice?

But you know what, Fuckwad, I do have a choice. I'm getting the fuck out of this rathole. You have no clue what my plans are. You have no clue what's going on upstairs, my friend. I'm strategizing. Planning my exit. I've already cleared my drawers and burned all of my personal files onto a disc. Those days when you're out for 2-3 hours at a time? I'm posting resumes. Why do I leave at exactly 5PM? I'm scrambling to a job interview. Can I stay late? NO, BITCH! Work through lunch? FUCK YOU, BITCH! You get one week. ONE WEEK'S NOTICE. And that's only if I'm feeling happy, which I will be once I leave your shitty rathole, go-nowhere job.

I truly believe he took all of those damn Post It Notes and stuck his buttcheeks together, because it's only shit that keeps coming out of his mouth.