fuck this job.com

Well, my interview is Tuesday. And all the sudden I'm assailed by mixed feelings, few of them good. The truth is, I am pissed off about my current job because I KNOW I could make this software problem go away if only they let me. Or rather, if only my stupid, disengaged, in-over-her-head boss would let me. I'm sad because this job pays well and - aside from the endless treadmill of work - I don't ever have to answer phones or do accounting or stuff like that. I came home and bawled the other day because I am just so, so sad and disappointed that it has turned out this way. When I got salaried over the summer I was kind of excited, but it's just become so, so shitty.

I decided to try and find a way to give my boss one last chance (without her knowledge) to convince me (unwittingly) not to go. I e-mailed her (since she was out) and asked if there was anything new I needed to know about the software project. Another terse, uninformative reply with no new information, no sense that she has made any progress. I thought, well, maybe I should find some way to subtly signal that things have change (with or without me) so I made another suggestion that maybe it would be good to get the rest of the dept. involved in this project. "Good idea" was the only reply.

Then a co-worker comes up to chat about nothing in particular and he let it drop that HE too had been talking to our boss about this and he was urging our boss to consider dumping the vendor, but that it was clear our boss didn't dare take such a complicated step. GREAT. Not the answer I was hoping for. Then I hear that they are still doing interviews for whoever is supposed to be taking over our department. When will it be resolved? Nobody knows. What will happen? (Downsizing? Redistributing the employees? A new start to the software project? Nobody knows.)

So now what am I supposed to do? I have this interview lined up. Might not get the money I want, if they do offer it to me. New skills to learn, different workload to take on. And of course, this happens during our holiday slow period so I have ample time to be fooled into thinking that work is actually getting better.

I just wish wish wish that when I go to this interview that it is made clear to me whether or not these people will be fun and constructive to work with... I think I have a good shot at this job... and the salary question is real... I can go down a certain amount but it has to be more than what they're offering. It just makes me so sad and mad and DOWN that I even have to be doing this... if only we had some REAL management in this department I would stay (and continue my job search of course) but things are so fucked up now that it would take a real hands-on manager to change them and I just do not know that is going to happen.

If anyone out there is following my saga, PLEASE keep your fingers crossed for me that next week's interview clarifies my situation (rather than confuses it) and gives me a clear choice. Because if I feel confused, I will probably wind up staying on this job longer and extending my job search and then I will REALLY be on here bitching and soul searching day and night.