fuck this job.com

Ha. I'm still a little heady... something actually went my way for a change.

There's this little douchebag at my office, just started a few months ago. He's short, and he has a bald pate, and there's all these little like, pubic-hair looking things that grow up around the bald part, and it's like a little ghetto crown. Ergo, his nickname will be King of Small Manhood, or KSM. He came in acting like a badass on the very day he started. He all starts trying to make policies and coopt my employees. Mind you, I run the IT department, and he was hired to do like marketing and PR, so there's no relation at all.

His very first day, we had a screaming match, and it was pretty well warranted. I've never done that before in my life at work, and probably won't have to do it again, but it felt good at the time. So anyway, I hate him, and he hates me. He tried to get me fired in his covert little office-politics way in his first week.

There's something very refreshing about work-enemies. I mean, it's all the benefits of having a nemesis (being able to screw them without guilt cuz they're doing the same to you, raw hatred, angry E-mails and vivid fantasies of dismemberment), combined with the forced politesse of the office environment. So you get to smile and nod and exchange pleasantries while the other guy does the same, and underneath it all, you're seething, he's seething, and both of you know it about the other.

This is the stuff of the best fiction. Think like Alexandre Dumas except more emasculated.

So, he just got "promoted" into a different company because his former supervisor (as well as many of his employees) detested him like jesus hates baby-killers. His first day was Monday, and he asked me to switch the phone extensions for him (because I'm the only person who knows how) via E-mail this weekend.

I spent all day Monday at a satellite office doing support. Came back just in time for a quick appointment and then had to leave. Tuesday, was obviously, the 4th of July, so no workee for me. Today is Wednesday, and I went in and had a conference call scheduled.

As soon as I hang it up, I hear from a friend of mine that they just "stopped KSM from sending an E-mail to the boss about you because you didn't change the phone extension, so could you please do it."

Mind you, so far I haven't had the opportunity to do it. At all. Not a moment since he asked. People just do not understand how much shit IT people have to do. They just expect you to drop everything at the first query and rush to do their shit. It's hilarious.

So anyway, I change his extension, and he catches me in the hallway, "Hey, do you have some time for a meeting?"

I hate meetings. Such a waste of time. Just E-mail me, please.

I didn't say that, of course, 'cuz of the whole politesse thing. Even though I was about to head out the door to another office (it's been a really busy week), I said, "Okay."

We go into his office. He busts out this legal-pad-size piece of paper with handwriting the whole length of it, and at the top, bold and underlinked, "MIKE". That's me. He's been at his job for one day, and he has an entire legal pad of shit he wants me to do. He starts -- Item number one, "Send me a list of your projects."

Now, this is classic officese for, "I'm your supervisor now."

Now, I'm a politik vet, so I parried with, "Why?"

He wasn't expecting that, so he said, "Welll... well.... so that I don't overburden you with work. I am the Vice President of the Company now."

(translation: No really, I am your supervisor now, bitch. Git on yo knees!)

I nodded, smiled, let him run through his list. And then I went to my actual boss (the guy who owns the company) and asked for clarification. I didn't lie, didn't cheat. It was very well done. I just explained what had happened, stated that I didn't want another supervisor, and asked what to do.

Well, let's just say I won.

Score one for Mike.

Anyway, that's it. A good work-story for a change.

Peace.