fuck this job.com

Two words I thought I would never hear together, let alone in an interview ... said seriously.

Yes, my last interview was yet another doozy. This time it was for a company that makes diapers. As I was sitting there listening to the "VP of something" ramble on about how he knew nothing about whether the company's files were automated or whether they used a central database, he spouted out something about "diaper penetration." Lordy, I perked up at that comment and started smiling and was about to laugh when I realized he was serious. The company is looking for diaper penetration worldwide, which means increased sales ... not quite what I was thinking it meant. Silly me, I'm so juvenile.

So anyways, the next stop on the interview train was with the "woman who really wants the job but her boss won't let her go to a new department and so she is pissed" (aka wwrwtjbhbwlhgtandassip). This woman was supposed to provide me lunch while a gave a "presentation." So I was expecting to be taken to a real restaurant or at least a cafetaria, but noooo, out comes a box from under her desk and I was presented with a ham sandwich, sugar cookie and absolutely nothing to drink. I sat there with this box perched on my knees, while she had her desk to eat on. As I was trying to eat the dry cookie, it started to crumble to pieces (kind of like the interview). So I decided "fuck it" and just dropped the rest of the cookie on the floor and gave her the box back with the half-eaten sandwich. She says "there's a bag of chips in there, don't you want it?" Through my parched lips I said "no" and was hoping for a gin and tonic instead. But it wasn't to be at the diaper company. Oh, also when I was talking to wwrwtjbhbwlhgtandassip, I mentioned the Daily Show and the Colbert Report (two shows I'd love to write for), and asked if she had ever seen or heard of them. She looked at me with a blank look and shrugged her shoulders. Not one bit of interest at all. I believe she knew nothing outside of diaper penetration.

Anyways, I was supposed to give a presentation, but of course the guy I was supposed to give it to was sick (I called him Charlie, because I have only talked to him on the phone, like the dude on Charlie's angels) and so that was that. Onwards to the fat-ass marketing man. What a piece of work. Right off the bat he proceeds to tell me that this position better not step on the toes of his "people" (of which wwrwtjbhbwlhgtandassip was one, of course). So I said to him, "why is this company hiring at all? Why not just hire internally, groom them from the inside?" He snaps "we don't have time for that." Fucking bullshit. Here's the deal, fat-ass marketing man is in an internal battle with Charlie, the new position has landed in Charlie's domain, wwrwtjbhbwlhgtandassip really wants the position, but no fucking way fat-ass marketing man is letting her go. Nope, fat-ass marketing man's goal is to sabotage the position so that Charlie does not obtain more power.

Needless to say, yet another position I am so not interested in. God, for once I'd like to go to a company with people who watch funny shows (or at least have heard of them), don't take themselves so seriously and are not locked into some fiefdom battle of nonwits with the other dullards they work with.

Yup.
Napoleon