Home » blogs » abw73's blog

Interview questions I hate

The only jobs I apply for are high tech, but really, these can be applied to just about any job.

I have been asked these questions and I really hate them.

Q. Why do you want to work here?
A. To suck you off. To give you a rim job. FOR A PAYCHECK YOU JACKASS! Why do any of us work, except maybe a porn star. For an income!

Q. Why should I hire you?
A. Why should I accept a job here? A lot of people are looking for the skills I have.

Q. What can you bring to the company?
A. Myself. What can you give me to make me want to stay?

Q. Can we contact your current employer?
A. Sure why not, they don't know I'm looking. Can I call your wife?

Q. What is the minimum pay you are willing to accept.
A. You can't afford me.

Q. What is the greatest accomplishment you ever had?
A. Getting laid.

Q. What is your greatest weakness?
A. I drink too much. I smoke weed while at work. I come in drunk. I like to hang out at grade schools looking for a date. Oh sorry, you meant ONE weakness. Yeah, like I'm going to be honest.

Q. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
A. In bed with your wife and not working here.

Q. What hobbies do you have outside work?
A. Smoking weed, getting drunk, picking up prostitutes, looking at porn, hanging out at brothels. What the fuck do you care?

Q. How do you feel about a job where you are on call 24 hours?
A. No thanks, I was already in the military. And when I'm off, it's MY time, not yours.

Q. Name the hardest thing you have had to do in your life.
A. Put up with an asshole interviewer like yourself.

Q. Which comes first for you, your job or family?
A. Beer. Nuff said.

Q. How many times were you late to work at your last job?
A. That depends. Are you counting the times I was hung over, in the middle of sex, or just didn't give a fuck when I got in? Nobody is going to answer this question honestly.

Q. Why did you leave your last job?
A. Because your wife doesn't work there. Idiot... because I hated it.

Q. What kind of wage did you have in mind?
A. More than you have.

Q. What's your favorite movie? (yes I was asked this once)
A. Name any porn flick.

There are lots more, but these are questions than interviewers have asked, and some I really don't see why they give a fuck.

abw73's blog | login or register to post comments

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
haha
Submitted by tr3ndy on Fri, 10/20/2006 - 21:32.

All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.
Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)

Q. Do you think you can handle the work load required for this job.
A. no i thought i could just wing it. ya know fly by night kinda stuff.

interviews are like lame myspace bullitens that people post
just plain annoying. by the time your done you ask yourself wtf was that all about... i want to kill now and im not even violent

login or register to post comments
Great Blog
Submitted by Mister X on Fri, 10/20/2006 - 21:51.

Excellent!

[Moderator]

login or register to post comments
hilarious!
Submitted by pratmeister on Sat, 10/21/2006 - 00:15.

And so accurate. God, I know, the "why do you want this job?" horse shit. I want MONEY, you retards!

login or register to post comments
Yeah but I am only 23 years o
Submitted by Teenage_Lobotomy on Sat, 10/21/2006 - 03:09.

Yeah but I am only 23 years old and I have done about 6 interviews in my life and I know the exact reason why these fuckheads ask these and I answer them correctly. Its a lot of bullshit and twisting things its about making your weaknesses strengths. I don't worry about interviews, all I have to do is remind myself not to swear and they go well. I've gotten two jobs right on the spot.

login or register to post comments
My future with the company
Submitted by keeplooking on Sat, 10/21/2006 - 05:31.

it's nice when they try to find out how long you'll stay when they will drop you immidiately for someone who will work for less!!

login or register to post comments
how about those personality tests?
Submitted by ransomja on Tue, 10/24/2006 - 22:18.

have you had to take those personality tests? They're pages and pages long and your answers can range from "strongly agree" to "strongly disagree". What they tell you about personality I'll never know.

But my all-time favorite question on these tests: respond to the following question "Small animals frighten me sometimes."

hahahahahaha (me laughing hysterically)

login or register to post comments
let me add one more
Submitted by ChrisGirlGenius on Thu, 10/26/2006 - 15:16.

Do you realize that you're not a man?

I was asked this question several times during the same interview..by two different men. I was qualified to get the interview, but apparently lack the pysical attributes to be qualified to become a buyer for a large company. Maybe I should stuff my pants, try to flatten my dd breasts and hide my long hair. Would that suffice?

login or register to post comments