fuck this job.com

So last week I was working along as usual and suddenly realized: Oh my God, I totally forgot to go to a scheduled meeting on a fairly important project. The meeting was one hour ago, and I didn't even remember I had to go. Very unusual for me...

And then I realized my boss was going to be at this meeting too. So why didn't she call me and ask me where I was??? Even if she had yelled at me (which she probably wouldn't have) and told me to get my buns up there, I would have understood. But... no response?????

I waited to see if she'd contact me after the meeting and ask me what happened. Nothing.

Finally a few hours later in the hall I just happened to run into her! I apologized for missing the meeting and it was like she didn't even care. Huh? This is a fairly important project and I have a fairly important role in it...

Then again, it's not like SHE hasn't totally blown off meetings with little warning or even explanation. Just this week we get a terse message from her: "No Tuesday meeting." That's our weekly departmental meeting. You know, just like that, no explanation or rescheduling or anything.

I work in a deeply dysfunctional department. I'm trying to avoid being sucked back into the dysfunction after almost escaping it about a year ago. It would be nice if I had an ally in the department who was smart enough to figure out what the problems are and could rebel along with me. But it's just me, all alone, figuring these things out.

Except everybody there just seems to LIKE it this way. Well, of course they can -- they don't HAVE to be there every day, doing the same tasks at the same time day after day with no realistic hope of getting any time off outside of the holiday periods. They know that I'll always be there to clean up after them if they can't be around. And if I do take any unexpected time off, all I've got waiting for me is mounds of work that nobody else is able to do, or they do it incorrectly, or don't do it at all.

Things are a little better for me now these days. I feel like I have a little more strength in my private life so that work doesn't get me SO down. But I still don't have enough leverage in my private life to make me realistically able to say TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT. I have too many people relying on me at home, and they do not care if I hate my job, as long as they get their money.