fuck this job.com

I work for an educational institution that trains psychoanalysts. We have 30 Faculty and 13 Candidate Students (with a Capital F and a Capital C) - all of whom have a very definite opinion about me and my job performance. So it's just like having 43 bosses!

Earlier this week, my bosstook me aside and asked me why I wear sneakers. Well, I wear sneakers because I walk about a mile (each way) to get to work every day.

Apparently the other day, I committed a cardinal sin - I wore my sneakers ALL DAY! My boss said that "a person came to him about it" and compared my office (with 1970's decor and on a good day maybe three people come in) to a downtown law firm!

I know that I should think that if this is the worst thing they can say about me - my footwear - that they're scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to critisms. But I couldn't help but invent some memos that my bosses might want to have in their arsenal - just in case. Here's the first one! :)

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MEMORANDUM

TO: Our Valued Employee

FROM: Your Benevolent and Caring Bosses

DATE: Today

SUBJECT: Color Coordination

Thanks to an eagle-eyed Faculty Member who saw you walking down the sidewalk on your lunch break, it has come to our attention that last Tuesday you wore blue shoes but were carrying a navy blue purse.

As people who work in high-profile downtown law firms know, purse and shoe colors must match at all times and while navy and black are close, it is not an exact match. As your bosses, may we remind you to take better care when choosing your shoe/purse ensembles when coming to work. We wouldn’t want anyone to get the false impression that we are anything else than 100% professional.

If you have undiagnosed color blindness or have any other visual challenge that would make it difficult to discern colors, or need additional counseling regarding this matter, please contact any one of your 43 direct superiors at any time. We care about you and your vision, and want you to have the tools to comply with our request!

Thank you for your sharp attention to this matter and if you should have any questions, please feel free to contact us.