fuck this job.com

When I found this website it was a relief to know that now I had a place to vent my anger and frustration from my job. The work itself is not difficult, and most of the people who I work with are friendly and a general pleasure to be around. However, one person in the office has managed to virtually destroy my will to live.
Just to rewind for a moment, I work at a law firm as an administrative assistant. I quit my old job doing retail to get a job that was more professional. Choosing this specific law firm to work at probably was one of the worst choices I’ve ever made. To top it off, I’m in college and am dependent on my income to continue my education.

We’ll refer to the person in the office who is sucking dry my will to live as “Wifey.” While names are going to be left out, the experiences are true and not exaggerated, I wish I could make this horrible situation up. She is my bosses wife. Her job title is book keeper, but basically just is just an old bitch who loves to make other people miserable. So what does the wife do when she's not trying to make others miserable? Interior design. Phone calls are ignored while "Wifey" talks about fashion designers.Wifey speaks about her unmatched ethical and work standards, while avoiding current clients for the law firm. Most of her cell phone calls are placed between her two daughters, both of whom live in another state.

Enter napkin crisis.

The Great Napkin Crisis of 2007 is in full swing. Who would worry about the world around them when there are napkins?

One of the daughters asked for help with picking napkins or the dining room. Can napkin picking truly take more time than naming one of your children? The obvious answer is no. But then again, our law firm doesn't
necessarily follow logic. Soon, days are consumed by napkin picking. Out of her normal six hour work day, Wifey was spending five and a half hours on the phone, either cell phone or business line, speaking about colors and sizes. Eventually a size is picked. This feat is nothing short of a miracle.

The color picking grows intense. While I am on the phone with clients, I am left sorting through Wifey's job. She is obviously busy and cannot be bothered by such details like her husband's law firm. A trip to New
York happens. She comes back after spending days looking at plates.

Looking at color swabs, Wifey makes more phone calls. "The table is _____ color." "The plates are ______."
"Honey, do you want to order 18 or 24 napkins. They're pressuring me to order 24, but I'm not sure you need
that many." One more fact for thought, the daughter is in her 40's. Regardless, colors are debated at length. A designer is picked. "This color matches the leaf inlay on the plates, but will it match the white part of the plates?"

Please do not debate that thought. Ever. The original color of the plates is white. The trim design has the new, awesome color of the best napkins in creation. If the napkins match the trim design, then wouldn't the napkins go with the white plate itself? Again, useless details I suppose.

What's the new color? Pistachio.

So, being foolish, I begin to celebrate the end of Napkin Crisis '07. Then comes the napkin rings. Napkin crisis continued, and I began debating, at length, why God hates me. The napkin rings are gold and Wifey jets off to New York again. If you need someone to help you keep count, we are at trip number 2 to New York for napkins. On the company credit card because well she's awesome like that.

Everything goes silent on the napkin front when she returns. I am ecstatic. She is finally doing her work and no longer questioning if I do work because I can't handle the position of 2 people. I'm stuck talking to her more often, but as long as I'm not hearing about napkins, I'm happy.

Out of left field a new problem arises: table cloths. Hours of passionate debate start up. On the first day of operation table cloth the daughter mentioned she wanted a blue runner with a red square. How this
goes with pistachio, I'm not sure. I'm also no longer sure why I debate this matter, but I assume it's from listening so long. Wifey and daughter continue debating colors. After a week, Wifey has an epiphany in her color picking glory: blue runner with red square.

Step two: getting the right sizes. Diagrams are drawn and faxed. Colors, lengths, and designers are all explained at length. What color blue? Should there be a design on either of them? This continues for two weeks. Then one Monday, Wifey drops the need of another trip to New York. The great thing about this trip is that it needs to be on Thursday. Table cloths are that important, obviously. Tuesday, the preliminary colors are picked,again, and the designer is asked to overnight the materials to the daughter and to our law firm. Magically, the runner is nixed. It's a little too much and with the size of the red square, it looses its importance. What does Wifey decide
to do with the extra material for the runner?

More napkins.