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I'm so defeated

I don't have any energy left for anger. It's hard to hide the tears while I'm here in hell writing this. I feel like hugging the toilet and spilling my lunch, but instead I have work to do.

Today, I discussed the written content for a huge project I've been working on for a while with my supervisor. His response was lackluster. I should have expected this--every time I turn something in for review, I basically have to start over from scratch. There's never a time where what I've done is accepted--which makes it seem like everything I do is crap--which is far from the truth. I am a humble being, but I know my job and I have high standards for my work. So when I spend a lot of time doing something and it is met with 2 minutes of shallow criticism, I find myself close to going ballistic.

I try to get my mind off of things by applying to jobs. Then, I go to lunch with my sweetie, and I'm making him depressed because I'm miserable, but I can't shake it off. Now, I have to pretend that I'm happy so that I don't drive my sweetie insane, and in the meantime, I am fighting for my own sanity. I sound like a broken record to myself and everyone around me. I've done everything I can to change my situation, short of quitting without another job lined up--which I absolutely cannot do! I don't have any savings or a rich daddy to help me.

I think I've exhausted everything I can do to try and help my situation. I apply to jobs, I go to interviews, I update my network, and I approach companies that are of interest to me. I'm trying to overcome depression with medication and my hobbies. BUT, here I am again, back in the same old office, venting on this site instead of to my friends and family who are tired of hearing it. I am just so overwhelmed with sadness right now. I have to get out of here.

I hope some of you are having a better day than I am.

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Can your boss be more specific?
Submitted by wolfietherat on Mon, 08/27/2007 - 21:18.

That sucks that you have to scrap things you are working on after you put in so much. Can you get more detail about what he is looking for at the beginning? Can you meet more often before you put too much energy in something he will blow off?

You are at the right place though, you can vent here all you want. I know about the friends and family getting tired of hearing our misery. Just come here and bitch and scream and roll on the floor kicking your legs, not a problem here.

Go have a Margarita as big as your head, just one, and you will sleep well tonight. As Mr. X said earlier, "everyday is a new chance" or was it opportunity?. something like that. If alcohol isn't your thing, watch a comedy. I went through my dvds this weekend, just about all of them are comedies, I know why too, my job.

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Can your boss be more specific?
Submitted by wolfietherat on Mon, 08/27/2007 - 21:23.

That sucks that you have to scrap things you are working on after you put in so much. Can you get more detail about what he is looking for at the beginning? Can you meet more often before you put too much energy in something he will blow off?

You are at the right place though, you can vent here all you want. I know about the friends and family getting tired of hearing our misery. Just come here and bitch and scream and roll on the floor kicking your legs, not a problem here.

Go have a Margarita as big as your head, just one, and you will sleep well tonight. As Mr. X said earlier, "everyday is a new chance" or was it opportunity?. something like that. If alcohol isn't your thing, watch a comedy. I went through my dvds this weekend, just about all of them are comedies, I know why too, my job.

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its not as bad as it seems--
Submitted by jas22 on Tue, 08/28/2007 - 19:39.

its not as bad as it seems-- because its the BOSS, after all, NOT YOU. if you were a chronic mispeller (sp on that!), late for work, or all-around bitch, or disorganized, that would be one thing.

but your boss wants you to be a mind-reader. he wants everything worded to HIS liking, even if what youve accomplished is appropriate! how CAN you control that????

and what you are doing is putting all that on yourself as failure. when thats not the case at all! you CANT read his mind-- or CAN you? wolfie's right-- get input from your boss, that ass.

then, if its a re-do, say "hmm, ok. unlike what you asked for originally, but can do...".

not worth crying over! (but if you must, you must, no worries).

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Know the feeling
Submitted by Bonita on Tue, 08/28/2007 - 22:44.

Hang in there. Like I've said to you in another post, a lot of us are in the same situation. I could go off on any number of points, but that's for another series of blogs:).

I think maybe you are just feeling powerless and that feeling tends to take control. Remember, you are there by CHOICE because you choose not to be homeless. You choose not to starve or go on welfare or become a prostitute or whatever else. You have more control than you think. Every job has crap, and there is a cost/benefit ratio to everything. It's a tough call: For example, I would never encourage someone to stay in an abusive situation, but frankly I'm old enough to know that if you work with or for anyone else, almost jobs have SOME degree of abusiveness. The only thing I can impart to you is that you might hafta' get a little more creatively philosophical about your situation for the short-term. This is not a rationalization. I just mean that if you try to reframe your thinking it might be a little easier for you. Just breathe and try to take it easy. Oh, and keep posting!

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A boss that doesn't communica
Submitted by Xstate on Wed, 08/29/2007 - 00:48.

A boss that doesn't communicate anything to you isn't much of a boss. I'd keep looking and hope that something comes up. Bonita's right, most businesses are sadistic to their employees. Watch a DVD, get a drink or something to keep yourself cool.

Xstate
Islamic Republic of SOuth Dakotastan

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Breakin' it down WageslaveZ style....
Submitted by darthsidious on Wed, 08/29/2007 - 01:56.

ARE YOU FEELING THE FIRE?
ARE YOU READY TO EXPLODE?
ARE YOUR DREAMS AND DESIRES
RIDING DOWN AN OPEN ROAD?
I'M LIKE A RUNAWAY
A HEART WITHOUT A HOME
OTHERS CAN LAUGH AND PLAY
I'LL FIGHT FOR EVERY INCH I TAKE
I'M DESPERATE TO THE BONE

STAY HUNGRY
FEEL THE FIRE
STAY HUNGRY
DON'T EXPLODE
STAY HUNGRY
WITH DESIRE
STAY HUNGRY YOU'RE ALONE

BE THE HUNTER AND THE HUNTED
KEEP YOUR TARGET IN YOUR SIGHT
DON'T BE SIDE TRACKED OR SHUNTED
LET PRETENDERS FEEL YOUR BITE
AND IF YOU START TO SLIDE
NEVER SHOW YOU'RE WEAK
DON'T FEEL YOU'VE GOT TO HIDE
REMEMBER WHAT YOU'RE FIGHTING FOR
REMEMBER WHAT YOU SEEK

STAY HUNGRY
FEEL THE FIRE
STAY HUNGRY
DON'T EXPLODE
STAY HUNGRY
WITH DESIRE
STAY HUNGRY YOU'RE ALONE
ALL RIGHT!

IF YOUR FIRE IS FADED
AND YOU CAN'T FEEL IT NO MORE
IF YOU'RE TIRED AND OVERRATED
LET ME SHOW YOU TO THE DOOR
EXPECT NO SYMPATHY
THERE'S NONE TO BE HAD
OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE
THERE'S NO ROOM FOR THE WANNABEES.
THE HAS BEENS OR THE BAD

STAY HUNGRY
FEEL THE FIRE
STAY HUNGRY
DON'T EXPLODE
STAY HUNGRY
WITH DESIRE
STAY HUNGRY YOU'RE ALONE
STAY HUNGRY
FEEL THE FIRE
STAY HUNGRY
DON'T EXPLODE
STAY HUNGRY
WITH DESIRE
STAY HUNGRY YOU'RE ALONE

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