fuck this job.com

Took last Friday and today off. You can see I am just sitting here dreading going in tomorrow. I swear, taking vacation time off at this place just seems to make it even worse when I go back.

At 8:30 on Friday morning, my cell phone started ringing. I hadn't even made it out of the city yet. It was the other paralegal calling, who is so stupid, she should not even be allowed to move her face in a way that would lead someone to believe she was trying to talk. She had a question about the enumerated list of tasks I left for her to handle in my absence. I mean, they were all really complicated tasks, so I should probably try to be more understanding. The one that she found so challenging was to make a copy of a lawsuit and mail it out to someone via certified mail. She couldn't figure out which label to use on the envelope.

She called me two more times later that afternoon, but at least I was smart enough not to answer those calls. She probably couldn't remember how to open her diet coke and needed me to talk her down.

I swear this girl I work with makes my job a living hell. I actually have a good relationship with all of the attorneys now (hey, it only took a year to prove myself!!!!). My only problem is this dumb broad. I just dread going in tomorrow because there will be piles of work that she didn't do for two days because she was so busy! Doing what?!?!?!?!?!??! She never does anything!

I guess I should count my blessings. She may drive me so fucking crazy that I have thoughts throughout the day like: "if I just go in the kitchen and act like I am cutting my sandwich in half, and accidentally slice off a piece of finger, then I can go to the hospital and not have to spend the rest of the day with this stupid bitch." Or, "I could just slip some bowel looseners into her drink, and then she will have to go home." I mean, there are options here. And no, meanness isn't an option. She is too stupid to understand when I am being mean to her. Tried that. Too stupid to understand that I am trying to blow her off too.

Still, the dumber that she is, the better I look to the lawyers. And then I always get my bonus, and she gets to be the punchline to all of our jokes. This too shall pass.