fuck this job.com

Another stressful week. This time of year is traditionally bad - everyone says so and everyone around here seems equally down-trodden. Now, part of this is hormonal, I know and duly report this, but...ugh, I just feel like crap, professionally

As a follow-up to my last entry: the issue with my boss has blown over, she's still stressed, but at least she isn't consumed with suspicion that I will fuck up everything.

What's got me down is more general.

I'm sad because myself and the people in my department who do my kind of work, are segregated, disrespected and overall looked down upon. It's true, we are the "important" people, we are support staff, but without us, things would simply fall apart. This is known, but not really acknowledged. Example: Everyone is invited to a party. It is stressed that this party is for everyone, and support staff is encouraged to come. Lots of money is spent on the party, but we are still expected to clean up afterwards - apparently there isn't enough money to hire janitors. To make matters worse, none of the support staff ever really feel comfortable going to such parties because they feel like outsiders and are treated like waiter/waitresses (which is not to disparage janitors and waiters, but we're not actually paid to do these things, nor do our job descriptions include these tasks). Failure to show up and clean up is seen as shirking responsibility. Meanwhile, the people for whom the party is actually thrown for (our bosses) leave half eaten plates of food anywhere, assuming that we will clean up after them, even though we were invited the same as they were. Hooray, party. (One of these days, maybe the powers that be will be more truthful about it - instead of inviting us, they'll just say "show up afterwards and clean." At least then we wouldn't feel used.)

I'm sad because I spend nearly 11 hours of my 18 waking hours at my job. And at this job I have few friends (little time); at this job I work with a team of people who are very nice, but I am the support person and am not a part of their everyday work, so it leaves me on the outside; at this job I am expected to be highly resourceful from task-to-task and just because I did something right once does not mean it will be right when I do it again...success is difficult; and at this job I never have a truly good day: it's nice if I can help someone, but a good day for me is when the day flies by, nothing ever personally affects me. I feel as though I'm spinning my wheels in the mud - this job serves some important needs in my life (sustinence) but I can take no personal pride in it and will carry away very few skills, marketable, or otherwise.

I'm sad because related to the last sentence, the only thing I've really learned here is to be respectful and kind to everyone, no matter how lowly their job, because it feels shitty when you're treated like dirt just because your job is not glamorous. (I always greet the man who refills the restrooms with toilet paper with a big smile and hello - as far as I'm concerned, he's the most important person in this organization.) This one point may be the only thing I carry away from this whole experience (not counting a paycheck). It's an important lesson.

I'm sad because the erratic nature of my job makes many tasks overly difficult and therefore the amount of time and effort I put into something does not at all relate to how people feel I am performing. It doesn't relate to anything - I can work my ass off and have something thrown back in my face. It happens all the time.

I'm sad because the people I support do work which doesn't interest me in the least, not the least bit more than my own boring work. I wish I were working somewhere where my work contributed to something I could personally care about.

And I'm sad because my complaints are probably just like yours.