fuck this job.com

Hello,
Well, here I am. I typed in "I hate my job" and found this site. This is great and I thank you for this...I'm a little paranoid about being recognized by a coworker, cause frankly, everyone of them has reason to be here, but....this is a great venting outlet. My friends and family won't say it but I bet they're sick of hearing about this. So, maybe venting online will be helpful. I'm so stressed out by all this I'm sick...and I'm eating WAY too much! (food=comfort)

Someone said (my friend attributes it to Oprah) that life kicks you in the head when things have to change, and if you ignore it, it comes back and kicks you again, only harder...well, I think I'm on my third kick and I'm starting to get the message.

I have an immediate boss (IB) and a "big boss" (BB). I used to have a decent boss but big boss got rid of decent boss. Big boss is a soulless, vindictive, nasty bastard who has a host of not-so-pleasant nicknames from every department BB's been in...and BB's been moved around a bit. HR and some of the weaker bigger bosses know about BB and moved BB around...that's all they can do since the CEO is very powerful and likes BB...BB is the designated hitman.

BB is nasty to other BBs in the company and has made our department into a pariah (I'm hoping this will come back and bite BB but that may take awhile). BB chews up and spits out anyone underneath and has no value at all for anyone in the lower rungs (such as myself) and actually sees hunting us down and doing us harm as a sport.

IB is afraid (and right fully so) of BB and has recently thrown me under the bus in an act of self protection. Right now, they're "building a case" I think. I need to quit but it's a money thing. However, the whole thing has been another kick closer to starting my own biz. The only thing that pulls me back into this living hell is my age (fear of no insurance), closeness to retirement (fear of loss of that nestegg) and crushing credit card debt....so I gotta stick around a bit or find an equivalent job. Part of me, too, wants to fight since I know I'm a good worker and I don't deserve this BUT that may be a losing battle not worth fighting.

My worry is that if this keep up I won't be looking at x years to retirement but instead "20 to life." I know I haven't painted a specific picture of what's going on but this entry is already WAY too long...I'll write more specifics later...all this is by way of introduction.