fuck this job.com

Okay, well basically I work in a call center for an insurance company (left unnamed so I can still work there while I pay my bills). The AVP's in sales and business operations are constantly getting off on all the latest customer-focused strategies "they" have implemented and send us quarterly video bulletins where they almost literally cream their pants over their genius. One of these "implementations" involves "Shielding our Customers with Service" which shows a happy customer rep hovering above frightened patients, cloaking them I guess from health care providers who want their copays. I'm supposed to hover with the rest of the reps, taking calls and solving bullshit problems and for the most part I comply with this request with the slight quid pro quo that I don't fall off the fucking deep end. Pretty soon I may qualify for a position in the health claims department where I wouldn't expect to even see a phone there let alone be expected to answer it. Along the way through my blog entries I'll be posting sample conversations I actually have with some of our customers. Customers, if you visit this page please feel free to look through these transcriptions, get the impression that one of them is an attack on you personally and then post a rant ordering me to remove this offensive post under penalty of tattling on me to someone. i would be more than happy to advise you to fuck off and have a good day. If you have language-content concerns or your kids found this while Googling your name for Hungarian sex videos, feel free to contact Customer Care Support at 1-976-SHIT-ON-U. Your call will be answered in the order in which it was received.

Okay, one rule I'm establishing right here is the fact that there are no rules. Just kidding, there is one rule that I can think of right now and that is that this blog will only be about the highs(heh-heh story on that maybe one day.. wasn't me was the guy taking calls 3 cubes to my left) and lows(ok mainly this job is lows) of my daily routine working customer service. Along the way you can watch me make new discoveries about myself and my fellow wo/man as well as undoubtedly witness me fuck up by accidentally releasing the name of my employer in my customer service calls. Oh what the fuck. I work for HIP okay??
Oh, and along the way you'll probably hear about my college ambitions from time to time and about how my department is systematically trying to rid me of the ability to further my education (like I don't want to do this at 30 the audacity. I'm 22 by the way, a guy if you couldn't tell from above:)Barry isn't my real name but it does start with same letter so close enough)but as a rule you'll only hear of my personal life if it has a solid relevance to my customer service alter-ego.

Let me start the first of my entries by stating for the fact that customer service probably wasn't the smartest thing for me to get myself roped in to. It's not that I hate helping people(though I do) I just find that unfortunately Customer Service lines really only apply to 1)Those people who tried and tried and tried and 15 seconds after trying to read their claim statements decide to call us up to advise we didn't pay their breast "augmentation" because we left out half the patient ID(we do this now to protect against people running around knowing your SS#)and not because breast implants (i mean "augmentations") are a luxury and therefore not covered by the group and 2)People who don't know why they called their insurance today but don't feel like hanging up when they realized the mistake. I take about 150 calls per day and most fall into those 2 categories with a few notable exceptions which will be posted when they come up.

My main gripe is that people feel they are entitled to handouts from everyone and everything they deal with on a business level. THIS IS JUST WRONG AND IT HAS TO STOP! NOW!!! We want to make money just like you do idiot. If you want a company that will pay the ER clinic to put a band-aid on your arm(you have 2 of them, prick!!) then I suggest you try Sal's Handouts and Insurance. We paid the clinic for the ER consult as well as the tube that helped you breathe that night if you think they really need the $1.50 we denied you can pay them yourself oh did I mention we wouldn't think of holding you responsible for the $1.50..guess why....it was INCLUDED in that rate for the ER consult. Sounds a little stingy but if we pay these guys for their bandaid we gotta go back and reissue $1.50 checks for everyone else who gave out a bandaid that week.

I think that's all for tonight. I'll let you guys out there know how tomorrow made out when it's tomorrow. Peace.