fuck this job.com

I'm sitting here, yet again, shamelessley imbibing copious amounts of spirits on a weeknight and I have to ask myself.......is my work life contributing to my need to imbibe, or am I making excuses?

I am well versed in the dangers of compensating for stress in the workday with addictive substances. Been there done that, don't do that so much these days.

But still.........I have to wonder how many other people get stuck in this rut. It isn't so much that I dread going to work like I did several years ago. And trust me it was dread and hatred of the place I had to spend a minimum of 8 hours per day to continue living in the *cough* luxury I and my family are accustomed to.

Now it's more like run of the mill dread. Not the real horrible kind. Just like the frog in the pot of boiling water....with the heat being increased in increments, he doesn't at any point realize that he is being boiled alive, well...until it's too late to jump out. That is how I define run of the mill dread, it is what one becomes accustomed to. Therefore, it isn't a terrible panicky kind of dread. Which I suppose is much more humane in many ways.

But still, I do not feel at ease or at all happy upon arrival at work. In fact, I feel angry, resentful and nasty. Which I do not share with those around me once I have seated myself at my desk. Stiffling this natural urge to not go to places I dislike or deal with people who are poisoness day after day is probably killing me.

Hence, I justify my need to enjoy unhealthy substances like alcohol. I suppose it could be much worse. And has been actually. This actually isn't so bad....hmmm.. is it getting warmer in here?